sknaht

sknahT

how do we say

I don’t always say it the way I want

but

There’s something in and about you that I Appreciate, Admire, so strongly desire and can lust for
with an yielding respect, I can’t help but wonder how it could be different if it could be different,
if maybe at sometime you want it to be different as well.

Some times in life things come along to help you in a way you don’t usually understand

skaht

For this you came to me as a vision appearing of near perfection
A light that comes inexplicably during an unusual storm
You being who you are alone, mack and cause my self to question thing, and find no answers
because there existence alone can’t be answered by anyone

As one finds them selves standing in the dark wondering where the light has gon and why
Wondering if and when it will come back
Felling the could of its absence
And doubt it’s present there with you at all, its need to even existent
It comes, and this time it came with you
NOT as a Light House on rough and unforgiving seas,
NOT as a Small Flame in an windowless room,
NOT even as a Lighting Bolt during a storm.
But as a twinkle in the stares where there’s a brief part in this storm
For the timing is always brief
A storm that is seaming to be life as I know it
I never know how long your going to be there or right where you’ll be,
but your there and there’s a comfort that’s retained from it
As you come in and out of vew
That shimmer that you bring to this world reminds me to have hope and fath

And to always find my guiding STAR





Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.

I have nightmares well Im awake

I have nightmares well I’m awake the memories that take me in trapping me in their horror. only I can’t
wake to a calm silent night. No you left me to this torture of your memories so I can’t sleep I lie awake
thinking about all the things you faked and the things I wish others had. Pleading for the truth from one
wishing where lies, lies being told as truth from another.

The wait that rides on my shoulders is more the some could bare of that I’m sure. I feel like the statue of
Atlas with the world of yesterday on my shoulders unable to put it down unable to move. Well trying to
pick up the future of tomorrow seemingly never to come. The wait is more unbearable the longer I hold
it, the longer I hold on the harder it is to let go.

Each day the same from which I had came from before, I think of you I forgave you but you betrayed me
I loved you despite your acts of unbelievable disseat, forgiving each act from the real to the imagined.
I will never know why it was me that you had to hurt so deeply but none the less I was the one to be
given this obstacle to overcome.

Lying awake I dream of an escape from this pain that’s bottled up from this world that I lived. Each night
I wish for the future to come and erase the pain to pole me in and tell me it’s ok. Each day I wish I could
go back to change the smallest of things to have loved you more to have given you more of me. I can
never get back the way you said to me the those words of hate pain love disgust sorrow all with a striate
face all acted out to perfection; with shame being your cochins unable to scream louder so you may
hear.

Thousands of things each day can trigger a memory of you that only leads to pain because you stopped
creating ones of pleaser and happiness. Despite what you though I did love you if only for being in your
life brought unbound happiness in mine. The months with you felt like years, the years without you fell
like decades of loneliness. You found life after me quickly, you found things that made you happy that
others could replace. I told you there was never any replacing you I wasn’t telling you that to get you to
feel as though your that important, you where that important.

Looking each day to find the thing that can num all the pain that your scares have left behind all I see
is your face. The face that did all of those unspeakable things to me and the face id given any thing
to have. If you had only not loved me I could hate you I could burn your memories but you loved me
tacking that love back leaving a hole in my heart that the cold breeze of night cuts right through only
reminding me of you. Empty is a word that helps one to understand the feeling that you left but it falls
short of the mark you left on my sole.

The only escape I’ve been granted is that of a gifted mind and the power of the word. Allowing me to
take the ink of the pain that runs through my veins, putting it on the page with a masterful stroke giving
it a darkened beauty, in ways that changes the words from my pain of an abandoned heart to that of
pages of eloquent script.







Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.

So , jurk

So I may be a jerk I’m loud and obnoxious I say things that are taboo, I take things to the edge of
correctness, or I refrain from pure mention, I believe as only I can, I show my straights, I show
my talents, I walk with an uncommon confidence, I back down to know one man. Nor do I hold
anyone down: I bring others to the level of my understanding, not of my superiority: for I’m no
better than any other person. I bleed its just bled differently I scare and cry I fell the rage and
pain just as you, but only in my idiosyncratic ways of difference make me, me, not anyone but
me.

Is what I show you who I am or is what I show you my public presentation of what I’m supposed
to be what others have made me and the way I understand so that others my understand me. Is
this my identity or is this my tormented persona of my life.

I’ve tried being who I am and the third degree burns my never heal as they once where but
should I be afraid to where my scars as art or as sham is that I find as my true self to truly be
my self or am I two people. The question I “fall asleep to” is that all one person that can be
so dipolar to those that surround me. They say you are those you associate with that is always
leaving me rubbing my chin do I associate with anyone but is it that I associate with everyone to
lave me with is insignificant enigma. for no mater what chose is to be picked what ever answer
is to derived or solution reach its only one side or one point of view and is that point of view a
justification or a realization.







Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.

Blind Love

Blind - 3. lacking perception, judgement, or reason.

love - 1. an intense feeling of deep affection. 2. a deep romantic or sexual attachment to
someone.

As the sane goes love is blind but I think the got that in the wrong order the definitions say these
are to separate things and once there put together they become something vary endearing to us
all. This is how I see it we are all blind; the definition says lacking perception becoming aware of
something through the senses, blind judgement the formation of a opinion after due consideration
based on the facts and personal interpretation.








Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.

I don’t fucking know….

Good things happened but today still hurts, I started to forget today how much I loved her once, as I turn 24 I see just one more day where the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with truly doesn’t exist. I don’t know if I’m healing or if I’m dying it just hurts in ways I had nearly forgotten. Two or three or four maybe even more good things happened to me today and yet I sit here and only feel the loss of her. I never wish she had died but in times like this at least the pain would make sense if she had, all I want is to love someone and all I look for is that opportunity but I get in my own way almost every time. Maybe that’s why I was so in love with her maybe because with her I didn’t get in my own way. All because she said she loved me first. In that moment well we were fighting I was blindsided and I knew she just didn’t know it when we started talking that day. For in that moment she was afraid of losing me losing the man she loved. In that moment I was that man. I’m ready to love someone again maybe I am dying but I still look for a simple reason to live. Only looking for that person to love me again.






Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.

Life on Caffeine

Today was a day that I haven’t had many of in my life mostly just because it’s not so much who I am, it still managed today to overwhelm me. I didn’t mind.

I smiled all day I felt a smooth high of elation for 6 hours today and nothing happen except a simple shift and maybe a lot of little dominos to make it happen. When life changes and yet nothing has changed other than a perception despite the fact the future is so unknown it’s crippling. Life is risk and reword I fear saying anything demeaning or demoralizing because what if I’m found out and have to own up to being human. I can’t believe I’m dancing around the subject maybe that just shows how strongly I desire it to be something real. I could use real and I could really use a reason again I can’t wait to have one again. I don’t mind who I am now but I liked what I was once; even more I want desperately to find him again. Now I’m not pleased having to admit I’m human and that sometimes when things don’t work that it hurts. I am struggling to jot down a line I could just delete if I wanted; my tempter is rising……. I think I want this!

There I wrought it

I want this thing whatever it is to be real I would write it in plain English but I’m scared it will revisit upon me in a way I might not be able to over whelm with my silver tongue. I fear being burned by my thoughts and reflections but mostly by my hope because it’s like tap dancing on glass every move can cut you being sharp is the name of the game. I like the title of this peace mostly because it only alludes to what it is that has me so tumbled, yet it is chic in its simplicity. Its meaning is ever changing even as I sit and write I can see new ways it fallows the lines of my reality. All I can say is today I smiled today I felt happy today was day one. I wander if even I truly know what it is that I’m talking about here I am sure of my thoughts but I am unsure of my fear. I’ll sleep on this one because I’m not afraid of the thing I was when I sat down to write this somehow in 416 words it changed.

There is a quote I want to put here at the end but I’ll have to come back and do it because I don’t have it with me but don’t worry it’s in Gaelic so it wouldn't matter to you anyway only to me.

“ ”








Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.

really now i mean thanks here poeple

It means allot to me when anyone reads any of my work for any reason so feel kind of obligated to write something for me so I can completely enjoy your experience with my work. So come on now be a team player people let me know your thoughts…