wake to a calm silent night. No you left me to this torture of your memories so I can’t sleep I lie awake
thinking about all the things you faked and the things I wish others had. Pleading for the truth from one
wishing where lies, lies being told as truth from another.
The wait that rides on my shoulders is more the some could bare of that I’m sure. I feel like the statue of
Atlas with the world of yesterday on my shoulders unable to put it down unable to move. Well trying to
pick up the future of tomorrow seemingly never to come. The wait is more unbearable the longer I hold
it, the longer I hold on the harder it is to let go.
Each day the same from which I had came from before, I think of you I forgave you but you betrayed me
I loved you despite your acts of unbelievable disseat, forgiving each act from the real to the imagined.
I will never know why it was me that you had to hurt so deeply but none the less I was the one to be
given this obstacle to overcome.
Lying awake I dream of an escape from this pain that’s bottled up from this world that I lived. Each night
I wish for the future to come and erase the pain to pole me in and tell me it’s ok. Each day I wish I could
go back to change the smallest of things to have loved you more to have given you more of me. I can
never get back the way you said to me the those words of hate pain love disgust sorrow all with a striate
face all acted out to perfection; with shame being your cochins unable to scream louder so you may
hear.
Thousands of things each day can trigger a memory of you that only leads to pain because you stopped
creating ones of pleaser and happiness. Despite what you though I did love you if only for being in your
life brought unbound happiness in mine. The months with you felt like years, the years without you fell
like decades of loneliness. You found life after me quickly, you found things that made you happy that
others could replace. I told you there was never any replacing you I wasn’t telling you that to get you to
feel as though your that important, you where that important.
Looking each day to find the thing that can num all the pain that your scares have left behind all I see
is your face. The face that did all of those unspeakable things to me and the face id given any thing
to have. If you had only not loved me I could hate you I could burn your memories but you loved me
tacking that love back leaving a hole in my heart that the cold breeze of night cuts right through only
reminding me of you. Empty is a word that helps one to understand the feeling that you left but it falls
short of the mark you left on my sole.
The only escape I’ve been granted is that of a gifted mind and the power of the word. Allowing me to
take the ink of the pain that runs through my veins, putting it on the page with a masterful stroke giving
it a darkened beauty, in ways that changes the words from my pain of an abandoned heart to that of
pages of eloquent script.
Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.
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