Lighting in the distance

             Its been a vary long time since I have put my thoughts down on a page. ……. Well a keyboard. As normal it comes at a time wince I can’t sleep like a rock in the bosom of the rocky mountains nestled tightly away from the light worm under my covers as the world passes me by some ware else on the surface. No I can’t sleep from stress or diet or hope or passion no I can’t sleep because really I can’t just fall asleep, now that I’m married I sleep better then I have ever in my life she is the sun to my leaves the H to my 02 the gravity to my apple, “she would smile that I speeld that right. Little joke just for her.” But tonight she fell fast asleep well talking to me I don’t blame her there, there was nights not to long ago were she would fall asleep to my voice on the phone now its to hot to even hold her not that I don’t want to its simply to warm to put my arms around her. Now her being a woman this is kind of perfect she is always cold but for me it’s just too hot to handle. All the same I am awake for only the second time in my short but wonderful mirage and I felt it was time to put down a few thoughts that might be worth someone reading some day whom ever that might be…….. insert winky face I hear those are cool. But in all honesty the thing that really has me up this evening is the fact I can’t distress simply because I keep excepting new reality’s. Now that’s not a bad thing at times in your life there are just steps to the next version of yourself. The more improved faster stronger version you know the .o something and sum such. Tell you get really old then it goes backward but that’s a tangent I’ll take some other time like when I retrograde on my .0 ness. But I laid in bed this night and realized I never was the person I was leading my self to be I read a few words and saw I had changed in almost ever way on paper I could change now I am still me and I still rock at the game of life loo but wow not the same guy no more. Heavy stuff that change. Tonight it was heavier then my eyelids.

So you have now arrived at the conclusion that WOW SOMETHING MUST HAVE CHANGED. Well your very observant reader her is what has changed.

 My reason to wake up……………..

Before it was just to make it though another day and look back at my life and say that sure looked good on paper. Now I have grown up in that scents that I don’t live life for stuff or things or other people. I actually have pissed off a lot of people recently but that’s a different story for some other late night. Actually for never you don’t care about that. I have changed in that I don’t want things anymore that I don’t need now all I want is security. Now reader understand I didn’t use the word safety living life safely can mean many things to me it means not risking to gain what you can thought real effort belief and drive. I am happy to risk things for the sake of my future wellbeing. See reader that is what changed I have a future………………

And the well being of that future now means there is someone tied to it like a tetherball, to a post “ya I went old school on you there, google it if need be”. I have become the post in this life I firmly have my feet planted un wavering that I can bend but not so much that I can’t come back to my place holding everything to the center of this earth. See that is my job now to hold on to not just the ground but to keep my wife moving around me freely unimpeded letting her come back and forth as we need bending a little when the time comes but pulling against the centrifugal force know as life trying to fling her away from me.  No my job now is to everyday hold her tightly so she has something to revolve her world around with out getting shot off into the distance broken and lost.

Life got really simple really fast

I’m so thankful for that blessing I have never been happier but it comes at a cost simplicity means change and in my situation a lot tonight I have decide to embrace the change and move my happy little family forwarded with my ability to overcome the things life puts in my path.

So reader I hope you fallowed but if you didn’t don’t worry this was never for you but the person it was for will understand every word and they can see what it all really means.

You know the grand scheme; witch always starts with the smallest of things. The kind of thing you have overlooked your whole life, yup start there friend the rest comes after that. 

Just a basic change

It’s odd when in life we do something not intending to change yet we come away from things different then we came to them. I left for basic combat training April 15 2012 now I'm back better than ever different in more ways then I really thought I was ever going to change all for the better which also surprises me. I am angry a lot now but that kind of fits I’ve come to peace with the reasons I keep getting hot over things. Really it’s all the other things its them that are getting me to pause think take note. How in 87 days did I change so much this is where I normally would justify it on the perspective of lifelong its small changes but no these are real and large. With all that said I’m no different a man then I left I’m only improved time over to a better version of myself. The army cut 33 pounds off me I’m as fit as I’ve ever been in most ways nothing crazy even thought that’s where I’m headed. I honestly can say it was easy it wasn’t hard it wasn’t difficult it just let the best of what I can do come out to play. It went to work with me each and every day from the moment I showed up to work the first day at the 43rd I was ready to play ball with this system. I as well can hope that my battle buddies grew in their love for this country just as much as I did well I was there starting on the long road called my military career, I can say I love the country more today than I have ever before . One reason is clear the military makes me different then people not better yet in a way much better. It says to anyone that feels they can question who I am as a person as a single person on the face of this earth. What do I stand for? Now I can say without question I stand for us, I stand for what I believe in, that at any point I will lay down my life to prove how strong I believe in the way of life I was given hear in the United States. That’s a steep price only to stand apart from those that try to oppress or distinguish. It also comes at a high price people now know I am willing and trained to kill other people. That if it’s between me and that guy, that I’m ready to end their life. I’m not God I should as a man of God never end anyone’s life. Well I have given over that chose to all those I stand to protect whatever its cost is on my soul I will pay. Now do I truly think I’ll be out in a squad laying down fire and clearing the objective? I can honestly say NO I don’t think I’ll ever be in a position where I’m the aggressing force. Now in all reality I chose to join the army in a time of war. I will be shot at I will be blown up I will return fire at some point. That is fact I will have those things happen in my career no question in my mind. So I hope you as the person that knows me can live with the fact I will be put in a situation where a person no different than your self is trying to end my life. More over a person no different from you will die if it will save mine or anyone else’s. I will make the call to have them killed or I will pull the trigger myself. I will not lose any man or allow any civilian to be hurt by someone that chooses to fight back. Any one of the people we fight against can quit they don’t have to kill us or this religion or this tribe or those that differ from them. That chose is in their hands one of their own might kill them all the same that chose is in their hands. So if they stand opposed to me or my men or those that can’t fight back I’ll end their life. I am willing to pay what eternal price that action will cost me. I feel once you have accepted that you will kill a man if it comes to that; you are no longer the person you where before. I thought I was a tough smart guy before that when it came to push or shove I’d take someone’s life. Now I know that my training has only put me in a place that I can do it. I simply won’t know if I have the fortitude to end someone’s life tell I see them down my sights then chose to pull the trigger. I won’t know tell that day comes. The thing that is different is I have accepted that day is coming; I am ready when it comes. That is what has changed; it’s not “well if I was ever put there I think I could do it”. No now it’s when I’m in that scenario I know I have the skills to. It makes you a different person. You don’t want to live your life the same way anymore or at least I don’t maybe I’m not normal it’s not really something you talk about to other soldiers its left off the book as they say. The army changed me I’m glad of it. Now I hope I find a woman to keep me human so I don’t lose myself in the suffering of life and others. I pray she has the power to bring light to the darkest parts of my heart mind and soul for she will be the only person to have the keys to my kingdom.





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Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
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If I could ask God one question

Its not if I would like it all or if my life would be easy or if I would hit the lottery or any of those selfish crazy things that we think are the meaning of life no I would ask but one thing do I get to marry the woman I will love all my life. Trust me I understand the gravity of the question tell me if that was the one thing you wanted to hear in life the definitive answer making all the difference from the second those syllable are uttered.

What if God says NO…


How would you handle that? I know deep down in my heart just knowing yes or no would make all the difference I am losing my mind over it I thought twice in life I had someone that wanted to love me but twice they said it they felt it they simply didn’t want it. I don’t blame either of them I wouldn’t want to be married to someone that didn’t think the sun rose and set with me either. Now can you see I never brought into this equation happiness or religion not finances not easy? No what I care to know is do I marry the woman ill love for the rest of my life. Ya of course I could have said for ever ya it’s a nice concept I’d love to believe it I truly would like to be with my eternal soul mate but I really can’t say I wouldn’t just be happy with loving this person for the rest of my life. I know I don’t stand a great chance of making it into my 80s I like to live life I like to do some things that not everyone would. I don’t have a death wish but death comes for all of use I just sit closer to the door then some. I like any normal person want to play the odds role the dice I play the lottery yet I play the lottery with more then tickets. I don’t mind rolling the dice when I can lose even a little or maybe a lot. I do hope that the people in my life that love me know that I am fully aware that I like playing with fire just like when I was a kid I liked it then I like it now.

Its one of those things as a man I hope changes with growing older that kids and a stable healthy long relationship makes me more reserved in my risks. I’ve always said I’m a terrible fighter because I don’t care about winning just winning has never motivated me. I have a low quit quotient for frivolous things I have always believe it’s just me being mature and wise knowing what life is truly worth. Really it might be that its just cowardice being disguised as wisdom. Maybe when they put a rifle in my hand I wont fallow or give orders, maybe when I get my first call or my hundredth I’ll pull my scot pack on and wont go in the door seeing fire poor out of the windows above or I pull up on a three car accident I wont let go of the door handle, I wont get off the rig that day. Maybe I am week of mind body and spirit but I won’t know tell that day. For today I want to risk it I want to push for what I believe will lead me to be that man I want to become. I know the cost are high if something where ever to go wrong I may lose more then I ever dreamed and I would hurt everyone I know. I lost one friend to the war our country is fighting. As well someone I care bout lost her brother after he got home from fighting that war telling someone here in our country to respect our laws our heritage and our country, that boy took that young officers life. So I see now the gloves are off so why not take the bull by the horns even if the bull tramples the hell out of you. Someday I hope to ride a bull just to say I did it just because its something that could be done.

So simply if I could ask God one thing all I want to know do I get to marry the woman I will love all my life?






Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
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Infected sole

Infected

sole

brought on the wrath that is thrust upon me

tore the hart from your chest and walked a way

the one to tell you that I loved you just to get you where I

the one that humiliated you in front of others or in side your

turn your love away when you let it out to be excepted

I will not be the one to make you what I want

the man or men that came before,,,,,

I am me and there will only be one of me for all time.

but I am the one that has to deal with the infection that is blinding

you from my healing hands and hart. You fight me away from you like a

stinging wasp. I may not be able to close the wounds that others made, or

scare over the emotions that are left once they have left.

but I will help those that want help, help to clean out the open wound

and lacerations, left behind by all the ones that came before me. wether it

hurts or may even bleed, I can, I will, I wont fail someone that believes in

me to help them, I will never give up, or given if they need me,,,,,

but

they have to see through there own blindness

they have to work through their flawless inner defenses

they have to allow me to be there when they fall, so I can show them I’ll

they have to find it in them selves, to let me in

so I can show them, I am who I say I am, and not another charlatan with

fancy word, and charm, but a man that will never let the people that believe

in him down.







Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.

Does a rose by any other name smell as

•

“There is no gathering the rose without being pricked by the thorns.”

“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have
roses” - Alphonse Karr

"A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom" - Chinese
Proverb

"A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses."

"Then will I raise aloft the milk-white rose. For whose sweet smell the air shall be
perfumed." - William Shakespeare

"Rose! Thou art the sweetest flower that ever drank the amber shower: Even the Gods, who walk
the sky, are amourous of thy scented sigh." - Thomas Moore

•

"More beautiful than a rose is the soul that beholds it"

“The red rose whispers of passion, And the white rose breathes of love; O, the red rose is a
falcon, And the white rose is a dove” - John Boyle O’Reilly

“But earthlier happy is the rose distill'd; Than that which withering on the virgin thorn
Grows, lives, and dies in single blessedness” - William Shakepeare

“I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds 'round my neck” - Emma Goldman

•

“The rose is a rose, And was always a rose.
But the theory now goes
That the apple’s a rose”
- Robert Frost

“Their lips were four red roses on a stalk” - Shakespeare

“God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December” - J. M. Barrie

"The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose" - Hada Bejar.

“Can anyone remember love? It's like trying to summon up the smell of roses in a cellar.
You might see a rose, but never the perfume.” - Arthur Miller

"The rose that all are praising Is not the rose for me." - Thomas Haynes Bayly

“My lady's presence makes the roses red, because to see her lips they blush for shame.”
- Henry Constable

“Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it”

Rose……… conjuring images of full tempshues blooms sprinkled with delicate fresh drops of
morning dew, bushels hung opposite of the world to end their days of beauty but to start their
journey of dwindling fragrance of the summer days past. As a name……… an unbridled beauty
a kind and charismatic personality with a smile that rivals the glory of the braking dawn. One
must be lucky to be named Rose.

Zachary Wilson







Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.

sknaht

sknahT

how do we say

I don’t always say it the way I want

but

There’s something in and about you that I Appreciate, Admire, so strongly desire and can lust for
with an yielding respect, I can’t help but wonder how it could be different if it could be different,
if maybe at sometime you want it to be different as well.

Some times in life things come along to help you in a way you don’t usually understand

skaht

For this you came to me as a vision appearing of near perfection
A light that comes inexplicably during an unusual storm
You being who you are alone, mack and cause my self to question thing, and find no answers
because there existence alone can’t be answered by anyone

As one finds them selves standing in the dark wondering where the light has gon and why
Wondering if and when it will come back
Felling the could of its absence
And doubt it’s present there with you at all, its need to even existent
It comes, and this time it came with you
NOT as a Light House on rough and unforgiving seas,
NOT as a Small Flame in an windowless room,
NOT even as a Lighting Bolt during a storm.
But as a twinkle in the stares where there’s a brief part in this storm
For the timing is always brief
A storm that is seaming to be life as I know it
I never know how long your going to be there or right where you’ll be,
but your there and there’s a comfort that’s retained from it
As you come in and out of vew
That shimmer that you bring to this world reminds me to have hope and fath

And to always find my guiding STAR





Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
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I have nightmares well Im awake

I have nightmares well I’m awake the memories that take me in trapping me in their horror. only I can’t
wake to a calm silent night. No you left me to this torture of your memories so I can’t sleep I lie awake
thinking about all the things you faked and the things I wish others had. Pleading for the truth from one
wishing where lies, lies being told as truth from another.

The wait that rides on my shoulders is more the some could bare of that I’m sure. I feel like the statue of
Atlas with the world of yesterday on my shoulders unable to put it down unable to move. Well trying to
pick up the future of tomorrow seemingly never to come. The wait is more unbearable the longer I hold
it, the longer I hold on the harder it is to let go.

Each day the same from which I had came from before, I think of you I forgave you but you betrayed me
I loved you despite your acts of unbelievable disseat, forgiving each act from the real to the imagined.
I will never know why it was me that you had to hurt so deeply but none the less I was the one to be
given this obstacle to overcome.

Lying awake I dream of an escape from this pain that’s bottled up from this world that I lived. Each night
I wish for the future to come and erase the pain to pole me in and tell me it’s ok. Each day I wish I could
go back to change the smallest of things to have loved you more to have given you more of me. I can
never get back the way you said to me the those words of hate pain love disgust sorrow all with a striate
face all acted out to perfection; with shame being your cochins unable to scream louder so you may
hear.

Thousands of things each day can trigger a memory of you that only leads to pain because you stopped
creating ones of pleaser and happiness. Despite what you though I did love you if only for being in your
life brought unbound happiness in mine. The months with you felt like years, the years without you fell
like decades of loneliness. You found life after me quickly, you found things that made you happy that
others could replace. I told you there was never any replacing you I wasn’t telling you that to get you to
feel as though your that important, you where that important.

Looking each day to find the thing that can num all the pain that your scares have left behind all I see
is your face. The face that did all of those unspeakable things to me and the face id given any thing
to have. If you had only not loved me I could hate you I could burn your memories but you loved me
tacking that love back leaving a hole in my heart that the cold breeze of night cuts right through only
reminding me of you. Empty is a word that helps one to understand the feeling that you left but it falls
short of the mark you left on my sole.

The only escape I’ve been granted is that of a gifted mind and the power of the word. Allowing me to
take the ink of the pain that runs through my veins, putting it on the page with a masterful stroke giving
it a darkened beauty, in ways that changes the words from my pain of an abandoned heart to that of
pages of eloquent script.







Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at 77zachwilson@gmail.com.