Just a basic change

It’s odd when in life we do something not intending to change yet we come away from things different then we came to them. I left for basic combat training April 15 2012 now I'm back better than ever different in more ways then I really thought I was ever going to change all for the better which also surprises me. I am angry a lot now but that kind of fits I’ve come to peace with the reasons I keep getting hot over things. Really it’s all the other things its them that are getting me to pause think take note. How in 87 days did I change so much this is where I normally would justify it on the perspective of lifelong its small changes but no these are real and large. With all that said I’m no different a man then I left I’m only improved time over to a better version of myself. The army cut 33 pounds off me I’m as fit as I’ve ever been in most ways nothing crazy even thought that’s where I’m headed. I honestly can say it was easy it wasn’t hard it wasn’t difficult it just let the best of what I can do come out to play. It went to work with me each and every day from the moment I showed up to work the first day at the 43rd I was ready to play ball with this system. I as well can hope that my battle buddies grew in their love for this country just as much as I did well I was there starting on the long road called my military career, I can say I love the country more today than I have ever before . One reason is clear the military makes me different then people not better yet in a way much better. It says to anyone that feels they can question who I am as a person as a single person on the face of this earth. What do I stand for? Now I can say without question I stand for us, I stand for what I believe in, that at any point I will lay down my life to prove how strong I believe in the way of life I was given hear in the United States. That’s a steep price only to stand apart from those that try to oppress or distinguish. It also comes at a high price people now know I am willing and trained to kill other people. That if it’s between me and that guy, that I’m ready to end their life. I’m not God I should as a man of God never end anyone’s life. Well I have given over that chose to all those I stand to protect whatever its cost is on my soul I will pay. Now do I truly think I’ll be out in a squad laying down fire and clearing the objective? I can honestly say NO I don’t think I’ll ever be in a position where I’m the aggressing force. Now in all reality I chose to join the army in a time of war. I will be shot at I will be blown up I will return fire at some point. That is fact I will have those things happen in my career no question in my mind. So I hope you as the person that knows me can live with the fact I will be put in a situation where a person no different than your self is trying to end my life. More over a person no different from you will die if it will save mine or anyone else’s. I will make the call to have them killed or I will pull the trigger myself. I will not lose any man or allow any civilian to be hurt by someone that chooses to fight back. Any one of the people we fight against can quit they don’t have to kill us or this religion or this tribe or those that differ from them. That chose is in their hands one of their own might kill them all the same that chose is in their hands. So if they stand opposed to me or my men or those that can’t fight back I’ll end their life. I am willing to pay what eternal price that action will cost me. I feel once you have accepted that you will kill a man if it comes to that; you are no longer the person you where before. I thought I was a tough smart guy before that when it came to push or shove I’d take someone’s life. Now I know that my training has only put me in a place that I can do it. I simply won’t know if I have the fortitude to end someone’s life tell I see them down my sights then chose to pull the trigger. I won’t know tell that day comes. The thing that is different is I have accepted that day is coming; I am ready when it comes. That is what has changed; it’s not “well if I was ever put there I think I could do it”. No now it’s when I’m in that scenario I know I have the skills to. It makes you a different person. You don’t want to live your life the same way anymore or at least I don’t maybe I’m not normal it’s not really something you talk about to other soldiers its left off the book as they say. The army changed me I’m glad of it. Now I hope I find a woman to keep me human so I don’t lose myself in the suffering of life and others. I pray she has the power to bring light to the darkest parts of my heart mind and soul for she will be the only person to have the keys to my kingdom.





Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
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