her #4

You know for man that know so much about so many thing I know nothing about my self in a lot of ways like why I get so lonely and sad and get so attached to the memories of a joy full past that rational I get fucked over in but the way I felt then is slowly drowning me in its troublesome ways. Love the one thing I know that I understand about my self is probably my worst skill in life I have this gift and I know nothing about it other then it hurts my life from the minute I found its power. I see her face all the time I think of all the easy I’ll let her down and all the times I will look back and wish that I had tried harder for her I dream of the beautiful children shell bless me with and that I’ll owe her my life for giving me this gift on which ill never find the way to giver hear all the things she deserves and earned for loving me.




I fight all the time with this thing that is thrashing around in side me it clause at my chest wanting to find its refuge its serenity its place of belonging its true home, with you. Each day I find it try to tack hold of me as I drowned it in my pain and loathing. I know I a hard man to love I know this but I know with every breath I have taken and am meant to tack in your percents that ill tresher your love. I find that these words are all that can keep me alive with hope for you. I pray in my own ways that I will be blested with you to complet the part that I cant undersand in side my self. Ive been complacent in my life when given the gifet of love this is what I struggle to come to turms with in my sole I refuse to belive that I did the things I did, that I was willing and more over able to proceed in the tackes that I snached out of opetunitys tight cluch. Saly reported those are tackes and opertunity I wish in my sole had not been tacken so willingly. I try to blive that theres only good in me but I now all to well the eveal that swims in the sole of an honest man. I know the gost of my past theas are things I hope I will never need to share with you. I will never tell you a lie about something that I did and why I did those things. I know that in this world there are many men that are worse then me and many men that are better thin I. but for you I know I will give my life and every beat of the hart that runs it to have you. The word sorry has lost its meaning to me I am already sorry for the things I have done and the things I will do. I wish that I could now why I love you so strongly with out even knowing your face with out knowing your life your past knowing your laugh. A laugh that will bring endless joy knowing that I make you truly happy. The dream of you is one that will only shatter in the world that dayly is trying to bring me lower each day I find that the man in the meor is not the man I want him to be, ive left the man I wance was behind and ill never be him again. Still I want to be more then I am yet I know that that road is one I need more help to clime then I can muster from inside me,










Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
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