Rescue me

Once I thought that was my job I believed it with all my heart and sole <well as much as an 18 year old can> its funny thought I never actually hear the words “RESCUE ME” I was just one hundred percent sure at the time that was just and implied meaning. It wasn’t the first time I felt this way but you know really this time it was real not just a practice run. The lies and truths were so mixed that I believed everything because I didn’t know how to draw the line hell I wanted to be the hero. I’m not gana lie, I gave it a full effort <well as much as an 18 year old can> you know it kind of sparked something inside me. It’s good that I was figuring everything out as I went along I made some chooses that I felt made thing worse but I guess sometimes when you play hero you just hurt people. You just don’t realize that there’s a real gravity to your chooses your not superman you cant just turn the world back when you need to fix a wrong you just find that you really hurt someone more often than not that someone is a person you think you love. “RESCUE ME” buried the thoughts of right and wrong “RESCUE ME” became all I could hear I denied what was the truth <well as much as an 18 year old can> I got tunnel vision. I made the world fit my needs not find the fax and fit them in the world I need to be living in. I became mission oriented is what it’s called in my lie of work and it can kill you I almost found out first hand. “RESCUE ME” was all I could think about so I made the chooses I made with grate thought and anticipation of the rewords of hero do me, not knowing that they only lead me deeper in to the darkness that was the low point for that life that almost came to a screeching end. I made chose after chose that only added fuel to the flames. Looking back I would have done only a few things the same the way we met and the day that ill never forget. It’s funny though what people remember I asked once and got a unique answer back. I’m sure that coin is two sided. I thought that I could fix this world <well as much as an 18 year old can> in the time that I had. I honestly bran washed my self into thinking that ya it will all be fine by the time I say. When the word lost all value when I said I’m sorry is when I should have found help <well as much as an 18 year old can> I cant believe my head was that fare up my own BULL SHIT hero ass. It tock years and the words of someone that was on the sidelines for me to lesion <well as much as an 21 year old can> when you think back to everything you thought did didn’t do. I just feel ashamed that I ever was that person. I mean I’d beat the shit out of that guy now, hate and pain and lose where all he was a hero too, he helped them in to a lot of lives besides his own. I can’t say I’m sorry it’s like giving a rock to the clerk to get a gallon of gas it’s just a joke no matter how sincere the rock is its never gana be excepted, to those clerks of the lives I helped or single handedly reacted.





Any Writings by Zachary S Wilson by Zachary S Wilson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at university of montana western undergrad.
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